i would be lying to myself if i didn't say this.

Lol, my new blog is up and running. Something very different from this one. I know i said the previous entry is the last entry, but I also know that I would by lying to myself if i didn't put this song in, and If i didn't say the following.

1. Song. I decided to put my favourite song, rather than a slow piano-ish song, as I think this is one of my favourite songs ever. It speaks on how life is a journey, and its better doing it together. moreover, if u look at the video, it actually shows my favourite place!! go figure. haha. and well, the song has some personal sentimental meaning ya.

2. With most events done, I finally manage to take abit of a breather, and now focus more on studies. I guess my last entry ended abruptly coz I had alot on my mind, and it didn't help when i felt drained, and felt like i was falling over.

3. Faith Choices. Its a mindset I'm taking on. I don't know how to explain it....but yea, faith choices.

4. At this point in time, I've searched myself, my heart, and asked myself alot alot of questions pertaining to an issue close to my heart. Yes, I realize I do still have feelings for someone regardless of what the person has done or is doing..and I know most people would go "BUT WHY?", and I guess that is something I cannot explain. For what reason I still have feelings for that someone, no matter how hard I've tried to destroy it, is still there.

I felt that I must be true to myself, and I would only be living in denial if i took away the feelings I have. Feelings are normal to be felt, yet I will not allow it to control me, to put me in an "emo mood" or to stop me from allowing other relationships to be built. That said, my stand is still firm that I will not enter a relationship unless I'm very clear about it, have the blessing of both my parents and his, clearly knowing that God's hand is upon it, and of course goes without saying, because I truly love whoever he is and am willing to learn to journey together. Moreover, having feelings for him, doesn't mean that I want to be in a relationship with him. I feel i don't even know him that well, n seldom even see him, so i rather just be friends. Hence, I clearly told GOd that I only want to step into a relationship when I am fully assured that my confidence lies in Him and nothing else, and that I love my Creator more than I love anyone else, coz truly nothing else can satisfy or bring unexplainable joy, except Him.

(note the difference: 'love' and 'still have feelings for'. pertaining to that 'someone'...yes, its the latter).

5. Oh gosh, and I'm not sure why lately I've been faced with all these emo matters of the heart that I need to deal with. I know God is teaching me something out of all this. I know He is! OK OK, finally, on the issue of my very good friend Julius.... I will say this for the very last time, on my part (not sure about him coz he never told me), but on my side: WE ARE JUST FRIENDS.

I know I did make a mistake perhaps of hanging out with him so often that people readily assume that we are a couple, when really we're not. I always thought that as long as I knew my boundaries, having good guy friends was alright.. just as having good girl friends. Yet, I felt I was crossing the line, going abit too far when everyone started teasing us, and at first I denied it, but then even a close friend of mine who just met julz, two days later asked if he was my boyfriend. Lately I've really been questioning myself "how close should I be with a guy i consider a friend...before getting emotions entangled, and potentially hurting each other" - although i clearly understand my boundaries, and won't do anytthing dodgy, I don't want to send any wrong signals to him. And that is very difficult when we are too close. so yes, faith choice, clearly decided. stop hanging out ALONE with him too much, but that said he is a good friend and like a brother to me.  

6. OMG, jsut as i'm typing this...my aunt....my aunt!! subtly hinted about LUCIEN ONG!! It seems she (and my uncle) from brunei just met Lucien's youth pastor in Brunei, and she just told me on MSN... "lucien seems to be a very good guy...good family background". OMG...i can't believe this is happening!! GG. GG. GG. GG. Pleassse to everyone..... don't dont' don't ever tell me this guy or that guy is good...pls don't tell me that about good family background, nice guy, rich, handsome...coz thats just soo shallow. I know u're doing this out of concern, but heyyy, its not just about those that matter to me. Sigh, I guess I can say this since I'm still 21, but if i were 28 and still single, maybe I won't be this picky! hahahaha.

Sigh. some things all i can say is that God is leading me, and in terms of relationships to just continue building onto other peoples lives, and love everyone, and He makes all things beautiful in His time. its again a faith choice, but rather than hone around wishing why things weren't the way I wish it to be, He's reminded me to see His bigger vision and His bigger purpose.

It's a step of faith to prevent potential relationships from happening just bcoz u so clearly know that u don't have the peace to step ahead..and when it came to guys that showed interest, yet after 1 or 2 times of hanging out, i felt no peace, then people already told me "BUT GLORIE, its a MISSED OPPORTUNITY!...WHY COULDN'T U GIVE IT A SHOT?"

or in some cases when I express to them that I still have feelings for 'someone'...they even told me "GLORIE, He IS NOT WORTH YOUR TIME or THOUGHTS, he doesn't deserve you". the point that matters is not whether he deserves me or not...the point is that here I am, a human being with feelings, having feelings for another human being...n do u think by trying to put him down, to say that he's lousy, he's silly, he's BAD, but telling me there's many other fish in the sea, that that would be a way of making me feel better, or to forget him?

And surprisingly none have ever said "Glorie, have u prayed about it"... until my dad...yes, unbelievable, my dad, who knew this whole situation and is very against mom talking to me about "him" bcoz of what happen in the past, actually told me "Well, its natural to have feelings for someone you like, but its a choice u make...I pray each day for u to make wise choices, n I know I too, have to trust that God will protect u each day since now u're a grown up. U know your heart best, better than all of us... so let God lead u". Yeap, I can't believe that dad actually said that.

then to certain people who commented about julius and I...told me "but why...he's a nice guy." or "but u two look good together.." or "ahahah, u can become singaporean!!" or even in cases, telling me to just settle for him, even when u keep saying "we're just friends! ugh!" and bcoz u know deep down, u have no feelings for him. sigh. i don't want to be self righteous, and again there are thigns I really just don't know how to explain.

so faith choice. faith choice. LOL...perhaps the most ironic part is that God is teaching me so much about relationships, WHEN I'm not even in a relationship! HAHA.  

7. With all the emo topic, which i've promised before not to talk about unless really necesary (hint: it was really necessary), schoolwork and all is going well. At least with that crazy week last week gone, I'm more concious and careful about time management (of course contradicing myslef when im spending so much time writing this blog entry) LOL. Working as hard as ever, wanting to do really well this semester, and give it my best shot.

Sigh. September is here. Spring is here! indeed a new season! OKla, i should stop blabbering. in the right time, i'll give each of u individually my new blog address. ta!

shifting blog.

Hi everyone,

Just an announcement.

I am shifting to a new blog. However, at the moment, I don't feel its the right time to give the address to any of you.

sorry, I don't mean to be selfish, but lately it's been very tough and I won't deny it.

Am in an emotional entanglement, questioning perhaps somehow I have not let go as I claim to have, questioning the present and whether I am doing the right thing spending abit too much time with one guy though a friend, and people assuming we are a couple =_= and not getting any emotions involved, and then now, with another who seems to take interest. and at the same time knowing that my First love no matter what is always Him.

and on top of that, I still find myself so tired. and somehow its been a rollercoaster ride, with some days full on geared on, but others, i get so worn out and tired of everything I'm doing and suddenly just lose motivation, while on others, I feel so empowered. I cannot deny that the subjects I'm taking are very tough, and there are very high schoolwork demands and research involved. I can't believe its week 5 next week alredi, n we're nearly halfway through the semester.

Yet, I still know this is going to be an awesome semester. I'm tired, its tough, but I will not stop claiming His goodness in my life. :) n so maybe for now... i just need abit off time off from sharing my life publicly.

I really did want to only change blog by end of this year, but most of the times, things never go as planned.

Anyhow, here is some very nice music, myfavourite piano piece by keith jarrett as a closure to my blog. :)  

Well read all you want from my first entry in 2006 to this one.

First blog entry for this blog... http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=seasons_of_change&nextdate=10%2f19%2f2006+15%3a11%3a27.590 - the inspiration of this blog was based on the 2006 Life Expedition Women's Conference in which we explored the different seasons one may go through in life, yet in each, knowing that we are princesses of the Most High and how He will always be our first love come what may. When reading back in the past, I laugh at the funny things I said and did, and though its been probably about 3 years, it felt like I've learnt so much. :) and yet, there is still so much ahead, and so much more to learn.

I know I've matured, I know i've grown. And maybe just for this couple of weeks n maybe months (well i really don't know how long I will keep the new one private), but I will for a change just keep my blog personal between me and God.

one of the best ads i've seen

If u've been to hoyts over the last few months, they have been using this advertisement to promote watching movies at hoyts.

the song is called "wonderful life"... and I think it really captures the essence of watching movies.... it even flashes statements up during the 45 second ad that connects people.

of course some people may say that its just a bunch of movie clips put together...but look carefully, listen to the words, n the pictures that go with it.... its more than that.

And the reason why I'm a movie bum (less now) especially for children shows...such as Spiderwick Chronicles, Chronicles of Narnia, Harry Potter.... is because movies are the product of human imagination, creativity. from fantasies.. put into film.

my favourite statement in the adv:  "dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today"

and here is the faster version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39gS5PvvIbY&feature=related

the Anz bank project.

semester 2 has started. getting back into work mode. doing abit more fun things this semester since its my last.

have to say that I've sort of "entered" into a controlling mode in which I have this fear that I cannot keep up to my results last semester. I think I so easily forget that as much as I work so hard, it was really God's favour that I got those results. I've been in somewhat controlling mode that its stopping me and blinding me from the real reason why I'm here studying....

It made me (at least for the last 2 weeks) act really selfish in the sense of really trying to CONTROL my life. I don't know how to put it but I knew i was. there wasn't that sense of freedom or understanding that I know my God is in control...I just do what I need to do, take a day at a time...plan, but at the end of the day, let HIM be in control.  

and i was reminded one thing today.

Favour and promotion is really from the Lord.

It's not something new. But at times I forget. Especially when the class gets abit competitive.

Enrolled into practicum, and got ANZ Bank as the company - our coordinators pick the company we're in. I really didn't expect to get ANZ, coz its more for finance. But somehow I got in. At least I can say I've worked with an Australian firm before.

The lecturer keeps saying that we'll be dealing with top management etc. There's 4 of us in a team, and it's so tempting to want to dominate the group discussion, especially when meeting the client to show off how good u are coz this is an open door of opportunity.

Yet, I am reminded again and again....success and favor is from the Lord. In fact, it's about giving the other team members opportunity to speak out, n being reminded on the type of leadership Jesus showed when he came...a servant leader.

I'm right now learning to be at this level of faith in which God truly really leads my life. I plan, but He leads.  

It's going to be an exciting semester.

It really is.

SO i will keep everyone accountable again with this statement "I'm aiming for straight H1s again, going to put in even more effort this semester, coz i have to say the subjects are tougher. Going to do all things in excellence, but above that remembering that studying and working with others is really just part of a bigger purpose...that is to be part of His kingdom builders, and being able to share His faith, hope and love with the people around me"

There...I said it.

my mom is more happening than me on facebook =_=

AND OH YES, the bigger surprise.....SHE HAS FACEBOOK, together with all the other "aunties" i know. AND YES, they ALSO (well not my mom but the other aunties) SUPERPOKE EACH OTHER.

Anyhow, she is like uploading so many photos from all the events she's attending.... geez.

O.o

times have changed.